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The new Apple Watch, just out, that techies are all drooling over, ranges in price from $349 to $17,000.  What effect
will it have, if any, on future smartphone use and texting?

ANOTHER STEP, FOLLOWING EMAIL,
TOWARD FURTHER REDUCTION
OF PERSONAL CONTACT

But at least it’s quiet and doesn’t disturb
everyone within earshot of the user

PATHETIC AND EMBARRASSING RINGTONES
 
By David Maril
 
I was recently talking to the director of an art gallery who is pretty much old-school when it comes to modern trends in the world of technology.

As someone who has lived without a television in his home for years, he is not a candidate for the purchase of the new wristwatch/iPhone Apple shills and groupies are drooling over.

But when the subject shifted to texting and smartphones, he surprised me.

“You know, I am actually glad people have switched to texting,’’ revealed one of the few people left in this country who has never sent a text message in his life.

It was hard to believe what he was saying.

When I asked what he could possibly find appealing about texting, he had a surprising answer that made sense.

“People used to come in to the gallery and their cellphones were going off all the time with distracting ringtones,” he explained. “And then, they’d get into loud conversations on their phones that would echo all over the place.

“At least with texting, it’s quiet and doesn’t disturb everyone else in the room,” he added. “That’s an improvement.”

He’s right, on the disturbance aspect. While texting is another step, following the growth of emailing, to reducing genuine personal contact with other people, it is less irritating to anyone within earshot of the messenger.

PICKING AWAY, LIKE SQUIRRELS, ON THEIR SMARTPHONES

While texting isn’t my thing, it doesn’t bother me to be sitting in a restaurant or on a train near someone texting. I’d rather have them staring and picking away at their smartphones, like squirrels fixated on acorns they are holding, than listen to some loudmouth scream into a cellphone, carrying on an inane 15-minute conversation.

Unfortunately, even with the increase in texting, public phone blabbing still goes on.

Riding a MARC train out of Penn Station a few days ago, to Washington, there were three distinctive cellphone PA voices, in different languages, echoing throughout my double-decker car.

On the plus side, it was nice not being able to translate what was being said. Too often when the conversations are in English, it’s embarrassing, being forced to listen to people in public places blab at high decibels about personal issues we really don’t need to hear.

Another remaining negative aspect, however, is the astounding assortment of idiotic ringtones available on these phones. At best, these sound effects could be termed noise pollution.

It seemed sad when the civilized rings of traditional landline phones were  replaced by electronic whistles and blasts that could also be used as alarms on security systems.

It was bad enough when we had to become acclimated to meals in restaurants being interrupted by beeping devices putting the spotlight on someone at the table receiving a phone call.

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The Most Annoying Ringtone Ever:  Just in case you thought someone else’s favorite song was the most annoying ringtone you ever heard, you can buy ringtones online that are advertised to be as annoying as humanly possible.

At first, phone owners would apologize and quickly turn the phones off.

But then it became so commonplace, the apology would be followed by a five-minute conversation nobody in the room wanted to hear.

This rudeness became so prevalent, announcements and warnings had to be issued at concerts, lectures and public places that cellphones must be turned off.

The worst, however, was yet to come.

Instead of just having to put up with irritating disturbances, we graduated to these portable noisemakers blaring out cheap, loud and tinny renditions of tunes only the owner of the phone wants to hear.

You are having a serious conversation and suddenly some pitiful recording of a pathetic ABBA hit can be heard for a city block as a person 20 feet away fumbles to answer the call and halt the disturbance.

You are deep in thought, coming up with an idea at work or devising a creative solution to a problem and “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” echoes from a nearby phone.

The assortment  of atrocious tunes is endless and too lengthy to list here.

I used to work in a newsroom with one person who had the theme song from “Rocky” on his phone. Every time the device rang, he was nowhere near the phone and it would play through what seemed like the movie-length version before it would mercifully end.

After a couple of phone calls, nobody in the newsroom could get the tune out of their heads.

FORCING THEIR MUSIC CHOICES DOWN OTHER PEOPLE’S THROATS

As foolish as some of these cellphone owners look when their stupid tunes start playing, the point here isn’t to criticize music tastes. What one person finds appealing may very well be appalling to another.

The issue is why so many people with cellphones find it necessary to force their music choices down other people’s throats. Is it simply being self-centered and insensitive — or is there more?

It’s strange so few cellphone owners fail to use the quiet, vibrating mode.

And why did it become a big deal creating so much noise to signal getting a simple telephone call? Are we at the point where we need someone like the late Ed McMahon bellowing, “Heeeerssssss a phonnnnnne callllllll.”

If blaring rap music when a call comes in remains acceptable, why not program in a laser light show or have a stadium bugle go off with a crowd recording yelling “Charge!”?

Those who invented this stupid phone feature deserve to be punished.

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Annoying Ringtones for sale:  Invasive, annoying ringtones are the order of the day whether you’re in a store, bar, restaurant, or even a library.  They are everywhere — and are for sale on the Internet.

Right off the top of my head, I’d say they should have to spend five hours a day locked in a room listening to recordings of a street jackhammer, or Rod Stewart butchering the American songbook.

They wouldn’t be released until they demonstrated they had learned how to manufacture and market cellphones with authentic telephone rings.

You know something, maybe the increase in quiet texting is a step in the right direction.
 
davidmaril@voiceofbaltimore.org
 
“Inside Pitch” is a weekly opinion column written for Voice of Baltimore by David Maril.
 
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