New York City taxicab service currently features green Boro Taxis, left, and yellow Medallion cabs, neither of which runs on tracks like a roller coaster — although maybe they should?  (See column for clarification.)

An educational lifestyle experience

CROWDED & HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT
 
By David Maril
 
In contrast to Baltimoreans, who seem to go everywhere by car, New Yorkers rave about their subway system. No matter how bottled up the streets are with traffic, New Yorkers boast about how they can get from, say, Brooklyn to midtown Manhattan in minutes underground.

However, if you are an infrequent visitor to the Big Apple and want to experience the city, forget subways. When your destinations are too far to walk, New York City taxis are the way to go.

Occasionally a travel magazine or supplement will extol the virtues of exploring the city by subway. In reality, the only two things the subway has going for it are, it’s cheap and fast.

If zooming along underground through dark tunnels gives you a thrill, why not save a lot of money and stay in Baltimore, riding our one subway line back and forth?

Any propaganda travel-story piece for subterranean commuting arouses my skepticism when the focus is put on riding the subways out of Manhattan to the river bridges for the best views and scenery. What’s the point of visiting The City if you have to immediately leave it?

If you really want to see and feel the forces of New York, riding taxicabs is the only way to go.

A five-minute cab ride can be the thrill of a lifetime, sort of a combination of a roller coaster, Space Mountain, and bumper-car amusement park ride.

For starters, flagging a cab down is an educational lifestyle experience. Competing with New Yorkers trying to get in a cab before you do, offers a free lesson in how to come out on top in a crowded and hostile environment.

The once-ubiquitous New York City Checker Taxicab of bygone era is now gone.

What better way for a laid-back Baltimorean to learn how pushy, aggressive New Yorkers think, operate and succeed?

Although the yellow New York vehicles now come in all shapes and sizes, you can be reasonably certain the air conditioners won’t work in the summer and the heating systems will be broken in the winter.

This gives you a sense of strength, roughing it against the elements while touring along the streets of one of the biggest and most advanced cities in the world.

Just to make you feel like you are making it big in New York, you’ll be greeted by the recorded voice of a famous actor, actress or politician welcoming you when entering the cab, and asking all passengers to fasten their seatbelts.

A few seconds later, you’ll wonder why they don’t also insist everyone secure their crash helmets.

One of the benefits of cab travel is that New York taxi drivers allow the passengers plenty of privacy.

In Baltimore, if you do have that rare occasion to take a cab, the drivers are quick to engage you in conversation even if your thoughts are elsewhere or you just want peace and quiet.

In New York, however, passengers are pretty much ignored once they explain their destination. You also don’t have to worry about the drivers eavesdropping if you are having a private conversation: They have more important things on their minds.

Most are preoccupied with arguing on their smartphones, smashing down the horn button every two seconds, listening to the rants and raves of sports-talk radio, and reading a newspaper while zigzagging through traffic.

The intense, colorful neon signs of Broadway, the majestic power of the tall architecture, the opulence of Madison Avenue, and the never-ending army of relentless pedestrians are only part of the New York cab experience.

Bumbler Stan Laurel, right, and hapless partner Oliver Hardy’s vehicle is squashed between two streetcars in 1930’s-era film comedy short. Trick-driving scenes were common in Oliver & Hardy and Mack Sennett Keystone Kops movies, but one of the most famous car-chase scenes ever filmed occurs in the 1968 Steve McQueen dra- matic action thriller ‘Bullitt,’ in which Robert Duvall, who later starred in ‘Taxi Driver’ as a deranged New York City cabbie, has a small part as a San Francisco cab driver.

The ride itself offers a jolt of electricity. If you are feeling a little sleepy or sluggish, a taxi excursion will stimulate all your senses more effectively than the strongest jolt of caffeine from a Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbucks cup of coffee.

You just have not lived until you accelerate from zero to 80 mph in half a block on crowded 8th Avenue while switching from the right lane to the far left lane four or five times.

Other cars and trucks on the road seem likes obstacles in a reality game you’re playing as your driver tries to win the race to the next red light or traffic turn.

As the driver keeps the right foot slamming down on the accelerator and the left foot pounding the brake, every block offers at least two near-collisions.

As the cab keeps missing buses, trucks, cars and other taxis by inches, the ride becomes more exciting than one of those old crazy trick-driving scenes from a Laurel & Hardy or Keystone Kops movie, or a Steve McQueen chase scene.

Except for running up on the sidewalk and driving under another vehicle, everything is fair game when it comes to passing.

If you are fortunate, your driver will figure out you are from out of town and unfamiliar with the area. On his own, he’ll give you a more extensive tour of the sights and sounds of New York by taking a longer route.

How can you compare all this with a subway ride?

The best part is that each time you take a New York cab and arrive at your destination safely, you’ll experience the thrill of victory and be even more grateful to be alive.
 
davidmaril@voiceofbaltimore.org
 
“Inside Pitch” is a weekly opinion column written for Voice of Baltimore by David Maril.
 
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