Schadenfreude/Roman Holiday — Other people’s travails make us feel good by comparison, that the bad luck they’re experiencing is happening to them, and not us.

FROM THE PRESIDENT TO THE LT. GOVERNOR,
ANOTHER PERSON’S TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS
CAN MAKE YOUR OWN ‘ROMAN HOLIDAY’
SEEM NOT TOO TERRIBLE AFTER ALL

Schadenfreude in the Friendly Skies

NONE OF US IS IMMUNE FROM HAVING A DAY
WHERE NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK OUT RIGHT
 
By David Maril
 
Ever think you are having a bad day and things couldn’t get any worse?

Take Barack Obama.

On Thursday the President delivers the most controversial decision of his presidency, issuing an executive order, bypassing Congress, to weaken the rules of immigration deportation, and he can’t even get the speech broadcast live on major network television.

Critics of the President’s decision, however, had plenty of access to airing their attacks on the Commander-in-Chief live the next day on the ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox television networks.

How about Anthony G. Brown?

If it wasn’t tough enough getting clobbered by Republican Larry Hogan after being heavily favored to win the election for Maryland Governor, he had to deal with the news coverage that he hasn’t repaid a penny yet of a $500,000 loan from the Laborers’ International Union.

We all have bad days where things don’t go exactly the way we want or expected.

As we head into the start of the often stressful five-week, end of the year holidays travel period, an airport scene I witnessed a couple of years ago, comes to mind.

Moments before the hatchway was closed for departure on a flight out of Providence, R.I. headed for Baltimore, a husky man — in his late 50s and wearing a business suit —  rushed on board  the packed airplane.

His hair looked as if he’d walked through the wind-tunnel drying-section of a carwash.

Huffing and puffing, all out of breath, he was dragging a carry-on bag that appeared heavy enough to be loaded with rocks.

SWEAT WAS DRIPPING FROM HIS FOREHEAD

Sweat, on this cool, winter day, was dripping from his forehead.

As he struggled down the aisle, accidentally poking several people in the shoulder with his elbow as he tried to maneuver the luggage, he seemed to be looking for someone, as well as an empty seat.

About a dozen rows down the aisle, he found a place to sit, sandwiched between a couple of guys big enough to be former, out of shape, NFL linemen.

Just before the harassed looking gentleman was about to sit down, a woman three rows back jumped up, waving, and hollered, “I didn’t think you were going to make it.”

After fastening his seatbelt, he twisted around in his seat and, in a voice loud enough for his wife to hear him several rows back, began explaining why he was so late.

“You won’t believe it,” he bellowed. “I went to the office and parked my car in a special place at the end of the lot so I could get out easily. When I got out of work, I find that someone had blocked me in, illegally parked, and nobody seemed to know who it was. I ended up having to get a tow truck to move the car out of the way, which cost me an hour.”

As the man began his play-by-play account, passengers on both sides of the aisle were clearly annoyed, wondering why they had to be sitting near some loudmouth who was going to keep them from reading, listening to headphones, or taking a nap.

Oblivious to their glares and some insulting comments being muttered, he continued.

HAD TO GO BACK OUT TO THE CAR

“Then, after I rushed to get here, parked the car in the lot and hurried into the terminal, I realized I left some stuff I need from work in the car. So I had to go back out to the car.

“When I finally got back into the terminal and the security line, they pulled me out to be searched and have all my luggage opened and checked. Finally, after taking off my shoes and being frisked like I was about to be arrested, they said it was OK to head down to the gate.

“But when I checked in there, 15 minutes before the airplane was supposed to leave, the boarding card they issued signified I should be put through a special security search. I tried to explain they had already done it once, at the other side of the airport, but they didn’t care.”

By this point, the guy had drawn the attention of every passenger within the sound of his voice. Curiosity had replaced disgust. As the airplane eased away from the terminal and onto the runway, all other conversations stopped. Nobody was paying any attention to the flight attendants, who were in the midst of their presentation explaining the 737’s safety features.

The only interruption to this wacky narrative was when the pilots began gunning the engines just before takeoff, leaving the captive audience waiting for the next installment of this story.

“I didn’t think they were going to finish this last security check in time,” the man sighed, as the jet started to accelerate down the runway for takeoff.

His wife yelled, “Well, the important thing is you made it. Now you can look forward to Christmas with the grandchildren in Florida and watching them open and enjoy all our gifts.”

“There but for the grace of God…”   We laugh when someone does a pratfall on slippery ice… because they fall, not us.

The jet  climbed through some low clouds and began lurching through a little turbulence.

The man hollered back, “But, I haven’t told you the worst part.”

As if following a well-placed serve in a tennis match, dozens of passengers turned quickly to focus on him, eagerly waiting for the rest of the story. “You are not going to believe this,” he exclaimed to his wife.

“The first time I went through the security check and they opened up my luggage, I saw I’d grabbed the wrong suitcase when I went in to work this morning.

“All the gifts we bought for the kids are left at home.”

The two were silent the rest of the flight.
 
davidmaril@voiceofbaltimore.org
 
“Inside Pitch” is a weekly opinion column written for Voice of Baltimore by David Maril.
 
CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT “INSIDE PITCH” COLUMN:  click here
…and read archived Dave Maril columns  by clicking here.