Who would’ve thought when the JFX opened in the early 1960s it would one day become a toll road?  Or will it? (See “prediction” below.)  Now 10 miles long it was the first limited-access Interstate high- way ever built within the city limits of Baltimore.

WILL THE JFX BECOME A TOLL ROAD?
WILL ANYONE WATCH THE NEXT DEMOCRATIC DEBATE?
SCHEDULED FOR SAME NIGHT AS THE SUPER BOWL

Will Bay Bridge tolls be eliminated?
Will Apple fanatics establish
a ‘House of Computer Worship’?

Will Martin O’Malley build a library
in recognition of his mayoral
and gubernatorial ‘legacy’?
 
By David Maril
 
The 2016 Calendar of Predictions has arrived and here’s a sneak preview.

Jan 3:  With 65-degree weather predicted through January, two area Maryland towns announce they are selling their plows to several communities in the Midwest that are already buried under snow.

Jan. 8:  A group of animal rights activists files charges against Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders for maligning the feline population of America with his constant references to Wall Street moguls’ being “fat cats.”

Feb. 7:  The Democrats hold their fourth presidential primary debate at the same time the Super Bowl is being played.

Feb. 12:  A group of impatient middle-of-the-road centrists in both parties, who feel right-wingers and left-wingers have sold them out, forms an activist group called the Expresso Party, demanding medium-sized government and more attention paid to finding common ground and following common sense.

Feb. 17:  Several GOP insiders trying to shake up the presidential primary race, lock Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump in a restroom during a break in a televised debate, making him 10 minutes late returning to his podium.

How will former Speaker of the House Nancy D. Pelosi deal with a “predicted” new bipartisan spirit in the U.S. Congress in 2016?

Mar. 3:  After taunting and criticizing all Republican candidates for President, Nancy Pelosi, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives, laments the increasing bipartisan attitude in Congress.

Mar. 17:  An investigative national report names Baltimore as having the most creative public transportation system in the country, citing the fact that nobody can figure out where most of the bus routes run.

Apr. 1:  Tired of being banished from the main debate telecasts and relegated to the “kids’ table” earlier events, four low-polling GOP candidates agree to a series of prime-time appearances to spar with the last-place Democratic candidate, Martin O’Malley, on the Comedy Central Channel. All are desperate for air time, and running low on campaign funds.

Apr. 13:  One smartphone communications company promises a free initial year if the customer signs a lifetime agreement to never call the company with questions or complaints.

Apr. 27:  The government and TSA (the Transportation Security Administration) announce new express lines at airports for people who wear only T-shirts or tank-tops, shorts and sandals.

May 3:  Jeb Bush, shrugging off his 2 percent poll ratings, says he has only begun his campaign to bring his vision to American voters.

May 8:  The NFL, answering critics who say the league should hire full-time referees and game officials, explain it would have to raise ticket prices if it scrapped its system of mistake-prone part-timers.

May 11:  Despite the earlier concern about flu vaccination supply, national health officials admit cases for 2016 ended up actually being below normal.

May 19:  Gov. Larry Hogan, living up to his promise of lowering taxes and fees, eliminates tolls completely on the Bay Bridge, prompting supporters on the Eastern Shore to clamor for a statue to be erected of the governor.

May 26:  After agreeing to hold her first press conference in three months, Hillary Clinton blasts the media for giving Trump too much air-time.

MARKETING MESSAGES ACCOUNT FOR 80 PERCENT OF LANDLINE PHONE CALLS

Jun. 2:  Fox Business Network anchor Lou Dobbs is hired as an honorary border patrol guard.

Jun. 13:  It is documented that 80 percent of the calls on landline telephones are recorded marketing messages.

Jun. 20:  CBS has to deal with an age discrimination lawsuit against “60 Minutes” that claims candidates for on-air employment under 65 are discriminated against when full-time jobs open up.

Jul. 1:  Another request by Amtrak for stimulus money to implement an upgrade project in the Northeastern Corridor that would remove half a million cars from the highways each day, is rejected because it would take a year for the environmental protection agencies to study the proposal.

Jul. 4:  Trump taunts Hillary Clinton over a rumor that she has a linguist on her presidential campaign staff who works with her perfecting her regional accents when she gives speeches around the country.

Jul. 16:  Secretary of State John Kerry, appearing on “Face The Nation,” “Meet The Press,” “Crossfire,” “60 Minutes,” “Saturday Night Live,” and “Frontline” over a 24 hour period, breaks his own TV weekend appearance record set a decade ago when he ran for President.

Jul. 22:  An internal memo from the Ted Cruz campaign organization is uncovered that reveals workers will have their jobs terminated for making any reference to the fact that their presidential candidate was a Harvard University law scholar.

POLL REVEALS 75 PERCENT OF AMERICANS DON’T TRUST POLLS

Aug. 1:  A poll in USA Today reveals that 75 percent of Americans don’t believe polls are accurate.

Aug. 6:  In a closed-door secret meeting, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul and John Kasich agree to not mention Trump’s name during the next debate. By not referring to him, Trump will lose a lot of on-camera time, never being called on to respond to their comments.

Aug. 12:  To answer charges that Governor Hogan is ignoring Baltimore, while favoring county districts, the MTA holds a press conference announcing two new buses have been purchased for use in the city. One of them is equipped with air conditioning.

Aug. 19:  Angered by word of a brokered convention on the horizon, Trump says he is not going back on his word when he joins a third-party ticket, because he’s running as VP, with Cruz heading the ticket.

Aug. 27:  Chris Davis drives his 45th homer of the season into the right-field stands at Camden Yards.

Sep. 4:  At a congressional hearing, NFL representatives testify against legalizing national sports gambling. A the same time, they maintain they have every right to market and sell Apps that provide up-to-the-second player injury reports and point-spreads to fans who wager money in their fantasy leagues.

Sep. 10:  Kevin Gausman wins his 17th game for the Orioles.

CONGRESS MAKES MAILBOXES ‘HISTORICAL LANDMARKS’

Sep. 12:  With the elimination of so many mailboxes in cities and towns around the country, Congress passes a bill making them historical landmarks. This is the only way to preserve the few remaining so people don’t always have to go to the Post Office to mail a letter.

Sep. 20:  O’Malley announces he is pulling out of the Democratic presidential primary race to devote his time to the establishment of an official library, celebrating his legacy as Baltimore Mayor and Maryland Governor.

Sep. 26:  A statewide poll reveals that 8 out of every 10 Maryland voters cannot recall Hogan’s three predecessors as Governor.

Oct. 5:  A group of Apple fanatics tries to establish a House of Computer Worship.

Oct. 13:  One airline introduces a new ticket plan, charging passengers by the pound. Before buying their tickets, travelers must weigh-in. Skinny travelers pay less and get smaller seats, with four, instead of three people, crammed into a row.

Oct. 18:  The main revelation from a $500 million five-year government study on loan practices is that consumers are most vulnerable borrowing money when they are short of cash.

Oct. 25:  Federal regulators make it mandatory, beginning with 2017 models, for all hybrid cars to be equipped with sound-speakers that play recordings of a 1950 Ford truck’s motor roaring away when the cars are in electric mode. This way, pedestrians will be able to hear the clean-air vehicles coming.

The SVU stands for Special Victims Unit.  In the “predicted” 2016 reinvention of the show, the SUV refers to heavy-duty all-terrain vehicles, a/k/a SUVs.

Nov. 4:  In response to continuing criticism for having an inadequate city transit system, the Governor’s MTA publicity committee fights back by launching a campaign slogan declaring, “Baltimore: Where Everything Is Within a Three-Hour Trip.”

Nov. 11:  Jeb Bush, in an exclusive interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, reveals he feels his presidential campaign fell short because too many Republican voters viewed him as “Jeb” instead of John Ellis Bush.

Nov. 21:  NBC announces yet another spinoff of its popular “Law and Order” show, to be titled “Law and Order: SUV.” The series will deal exclusively with crime and legal cases involving people who own heavy-duty all-terrain vehicles.

Nov. 30:  Saying it will enhance their fans’ enjoyment at games, the NFL eliminates the use of cash for purchases in all of their stadiums. For food, drinks and souvenirs, it will either be plastic or purchase-coupons that have been paid for in advance.

Dec. 5:  An unconfirmed rumor has it that the Governor is considering making the Jones Falls Expressway a toll road.

Dec. 11:  A well-organized collection of lonely consumers convinces Congress to start a do-call phone list.

Dec. 16:  Joe Flacco leads NFL quarterbacks in touchdown passes.

Dec. 22:  Just in time for the holidays, speed cameras are reactivated in Baltimore and a new set of problems occur. People going under the speed limit are ticketed while speeders are ignored.

Dec. 31:  Prediction Calendar for 2017 arrives.
 
davidmaril@voiceofbaltimore.org 
 
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