
“Inside Pitch” takes a whimsical look at the future of flying in the not- so-friendly skies of America. What will we be required to pay for next?
THE CARRIERS WILL MAKE
PASSENGERS PAY FOR?
Additional fees are the lifeblood
of commercial aviation in the U.S.
A WHIMSICAL VIEW OF THE FUTURE OF
FLYING IN NOT-SO-FRIENDLY SKIES
By David Maril
Don’t be surprised if you start hearing these kinds of announcements from many of the major airlines in coming months:
“In order to combat the rising fuel costs, we will no longer provide free magazines on flights. Travelers who want to read magazines can purchase in-flight subscriptions. There will be opportunities to earn points through subscriptions on deals like time-sharing properties.”
“To cut down on weight and wind drag, we will not offer seating on flights under 500 miles. Travelers will remain standing and have a rail to hold on to if turbulence occurs. The airline figures the absence of seats will save $9 million in fuel costs per month.
“Without rows and rows of seats, the airplanes will be thousands of pounds lighter,” a company insider reveals.
“We’ll save a fortune on fuel and we’ll also be able to fit at least 40 more people on each flight. And when people are holding on to rails, they will not have time to think about the snack and refreshment service they are missing.”
“In another airplane weight-reduction plan, we will limit beer selections to lite beer only and play only light music on our in-flight sound system. We want to be known more as the ‘lightweights of the industry’ to stretch how far our planes can go,” one company vice president says.
Another airline announces it will start making customers weigh in when they buy tickets, selling seating by the pound. Anyone weighing in over 150 lbs. pays an extra $10 for each pound.
“You buy food by the pound and trucks have to weigh in on highways, so why not be fair about airline tickets and have passengers pay according to their weight?” an airline spokesperson says.