According to the pollsters’ stats, the so-called “unde- cided voters” often decide the outcome of elections.

WHO ARE ALL THESE STUBBORN,
INDECISIVE CITIZENS THAT THE
POLITICIANS ARE COURTING?

What does it take to win
this voting bloc over?

A COMPREHENSIVE RESEARCH PROJECT
PROFILING THESE UNNAMED VOTERS
MAY SHED LIGHT ON THIS MYSTERY
 
By David Maril
 
All through political campaigns, whether it’s national or local, we keep hearing about how everything hinges on the undecided voters.

Before Republican Larry Hogan defeated Anthony G. Brown in the Maryland Governor’s race, we continually heard warnings that many Democrats had not made up their minds about supporting Martin O’Malley’s Lieutenant Governor.

It didn’t seem to matter that Marylanders had been barraged by TV and radio commercials for months, and the two candidates had debated. In the end, Brown lost because too many of the Democratic majority never did decide to vote for him and stayed home.

The coverage of who the undecided are leaning towards will intensify in the upcoming presidential race. With the Republicans attracting just about every conservative who can raise money and is against national healthcare and progressive immigration reform, there will be even more undecided voters.

So many bad choices to make a decision on.

On the Democrats’ side, voters will have trouble deciding on Hillary Clinton because they know too much about her.

Conversely, It will be just as difficult for them to decide on Bernie Sanders, Martin O’Malley and Jim Webb because they won’t know enough about them.

Still, it’s always been a mystery to me why so many people always come up with a reason not to make up their minds. This is especially vexing in presidential politics.

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1976 decathlon champion Caitlyn Jenner, a/k/a Bruce, shown here at the London Olympics in 2012, before he came out as Caitlyn and began flip-flopping like a presidential candidate making promises.

RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
IS LIKE COMPETING
IN THE OLYMPICS

Baiting & switching not allowed

FLIP-FLOPPING LIKE A JENNER
 
By Jay Liner
 
In the news these past months has been the salacious obsession ’round the world with Bruce Jenner’s sex change, including his name change accordingly to Caitlyn.

Jenner, the 1976 Olympic decathlon champion, was considered to be the best athlete in the world four decades ago, having been given the unofficial title of “World’s Greatest Athlete” for his Cold War-era victory over formidable Soviet Union competitors.

The vigorous requirements of competing for the duration of a two-day event require speed, stamina, and strength in a myriad of events from races consisting of such sports as sprint and distance running.

In addition, high-jumping, pole vaulting, shot put, javelin and discus throws are among the other events a decathlon competitor is required to excel at.

It was a remarkable accomplishment by Jenner, but all that has been mostly forgotten as a result of the extensive media coverage in the decades since, from his ties to the Kardashians to the culmination of his notoriety regarding sexual preferences.

As I thought more and more about Bruce/Caitlyn’s accomplishment and their subsequent TV and movie career, plus his recent notoriety as a result of the transformation from male to female, I came to the realization that the upcoming American presidential campaign has many requirements similar to those which a decathlete has to meet, in his — or her — quest for victory.

In the sports world, strength, endurance, and mental agility can eventually get you the gold medal. The same is true in politics.

Utilizing Jenner and his protracted history of publicity and eventual transformation of his sexual identification, let me therefore propose a decathlon of sorts for running for president that should be in the best interests of the country, and would not be in violation of our Constitution.

A set of rules, if you will, to govern how the selection process of presidential nominees should play out, giving us, the voters, the best candidates to choose from.

So here’s my proposal for a Presidential Decathlon, 10 “rules of the road” for all those aspiring to occupy the White House Oval Office in the wake of Barack Obama:

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My Life as a Mermaid, and Other Stories is Baltimore writer Jen Grow’s initial collection of short stories.  It deals mostly with unheroic women in sad situations; 12 stories with a common theme of swimming and water.

TALES RANGING FROM
SADNESS & DANGER
TO DARK HUMOR

Patuxent Fiction Editor Jen Grow
explores loneliness & longing
via a cast of housewives,
dreamers & lost souls

UNHAPPY STORIES WITH
A COMMON THEME OF
SWIMMING & WATER
 
By Bill Hughes
 
When the fiction editor of the highly regarded “Little Patuxent Review” launched her debut book at Mount Washington’s popular Ivy Bookshop early last month, she was greeted by a standing room only audience.

The editor is Jen Grow, and the book is titled, My Life as a Mermaid. It’s a collection of 12 short stories with a common theme of swimming and water written by Ms. Grow that range from sadness and danger to dark humor, and explore loneliness and longing via a cast of housewives, dreamers and lost souls.

Jen is well-known in Baltimore literary circles, often participating at various readings around town, where I’ve frequently heard her read over the last few years in the course of my travels taking photographs at many of the literary events happening around Baltimore.

I vividly recall her sharing her stories at sites hosted by local authors such as Jen Michalski, Rafael Alvarez and Michael Kimball, among others.

The stories are excellent, though unhappy, and often resonate with vivid images of the human condition with all of its dreary, dark, boozy and gloomy circumstances. The author is sympathetic in her deft portrayals of the subjects — basically unhappy, unheroic women — but without going overboard.

One of her tales — a very moving one, indeed — is titled “Small Deaths” and is about death itself.

The narrator is the daughter. Her mother is “so frail,” that she can hardly stand-up. The author makes you feel that you are in the room with these two gallant souls as they bravely embrace “the clumsiness of death.”

Shifting gears, there’s Vivie stumbling through her life in an alcoholic daze as her neighbors are packing up and leaving town. Vivie desperately wants to do the same, in a story called “OK, Goodbye.”

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Gov. Larry Hogan this week killed the proposed extension of Maryland’s Light Rail system which would have featured an East-West link for the city’s public transportation users.

. . . AND SETS AN OMINOUS TONE
FOR WHAT THE CITY CAN EXPECT
FOR HIS TERM AS GOVERNOR

REMOVAL OF CIVIL WAR FLAG
FROM GOVERNMENT LOCATIONS
IS AN ACTION LONG OVERDUE

Network TV news execs just don’t get it
 
By David Maril
 
While wondering which is more surprising, President Barack Obama relying on House and Senate Republicans to push through his fast-track trade bill, or French’s making ketchup and Heinz selling mustard… it’s interesting to note the following:

 Hopes for a bold, unifying and innovative term as Governor were dashed by Larry Hogan with his backward-thinking and shortsighted decision to kill the $2.9 billion Red Line Light Rail project.

There seemed to be a chance Hogan would bring in a moderate, enlightened approach to blend with the practical, budget-conscious focus Maryland needs. Instead, we are getting the typical anti-rail approach conservative Republicans take when it comes to transportation.

Even though Amtrak ridership in the Northeast Corridor increases every year, Republicans always try to cut back on the funding instead of expanding the popular service and correcting the money-draining system flaws in other parts of the country.

Hogan, as he had boasted, is a road, bridge and highway guy who obviously is blind to any focus that modernizes and expands Baltimore public transportation.

The only people in Baltimore who should be applauding Hogan’s decision are cab drivers. Thanks to the limited coverage area of the Light Rail service, and how ludicrous the bus-route system is, cabs gain a lot of business from people who can afford to pay the higher fares.

Hogan is pandering to supporters who want more highways and cars on the road.

Make it easy for people to clog up the roads and not consider other options that are good for the economy and environment. Lowering tolls, which Maryland is starting to do, falls into this category.

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READER ADVISORY:  The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Voice of Baltimore or its editors, who have dutifully bleeped all (or at least most) objectionable language in order to spare the tender sensibilities of our gentle readers (including teen- agers who regularly use such “descriptive terms”) — leaving in its wake a hollow shell of a column.  (Not really, but as a general rule, VoB style does not permit the use of “salty” language.  LMFAO!)

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Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, left, shown here hugging his older brother, insists however he is not totally embracing him.

PIKESVILLE ATTORNEY/PUNDIT
RAGS ON PRESIDENTIAL
PROSPECTS & PRETENDERS

IS THE COUNTRY
ON THE HORNS
OF AN ENEMA?
 
By Jay Liner
 
If you’re jonesing for the marquee matchup next fall between Hillary and Jeb, I think it’s never too early to provide you with my expert political analysis of the next “most important election in American history.”

The presidential campaign has already begun woefully in the minds of most of us who follow politics. As to the current crop of candidates from both major parties, by the time the primaries are finished and the nominees have spoken at their respective conventions the country will be ready for a good enema.

The bulls**t will be coming out of all of them at a level never quite experienced before because of all the PAC money involved.

I have actually started my own PAC:  It’s called The Hard-On for America. (More on this later.)

The GOP as of this date has candidates from the far right to the far reaches of outer space.

Somewhere in that spectrum Jeb Bush will be championing the agenda of the Republicans hardcore to secure the nomination; and once that’s procured, if he’s successful he’ll gravitate toward the center and sell the deal to the silent majority/thousand points of light/compassionate conservatives who believe such crap.

This formula will apply to any of the GOP candidates à la the Romney Playbook unless they totally go nuts and nominate Ted Cruz — or Ben Carson who is from my home State of Maryland.

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